Accident

A couple of weeks ago, Dwight and I went to the commissary on Sunday.  He was thinking of buying a special type of whiskey.  the bottle was cute, and it was a little expensive.  He asked me if he should get it.  I said he should, he works hard, he should treat himself, and I could make a lamp out of the cute bottle for him.  He said he really liked the bottle.  

Well, he drank some, a nd it snuck up on him.  I knew he was drinking, but needed to go to bed, I worked the next morning.  I ut a movie on and sat in bed, wondering if I should worry.  He usually makes it to bed ok, netlike before.  So I took my sleeping pill, turned off the lights, checked on him, tried to convince him it was bed time.  He came inside, and then he fell near the couch.  I tried to help him up, but he told me he would do it himself.  He got up and headed down the hallway, weaving a bit.  Scared me.  He went into the bathroom, closed the door, which made me cringe.  I keep thinking, if he falls, how will I help him?

I decided to go t bed, he would soon me there too.  I was wrong.  I heard a loud thud, and then he said "help?"  he has never ever asked for help, that scared me.  I went to him, opened the door a little, and saw him on the floor, face down, with his head near the door, his hand was under.  So if I opened the door more,I would hurt him.  I asked him to move his hand a little, and I was able to come in and turn on the light.  I felt horrible, there was a puddle blood under his face.  I  said I would help him up, and tried getting him up, but I couldn't even move him.  I asked him to turn his face towards me to see where he's bleeding.  He couldn't move.  I looked again t the blood, I told him I needed to call an ambulance.  He said no, he is fine, help him get to bed.  I couldn't, so I called Sara, told her what happened.  She said she would be over with Blair.  I hung up.  She seemed to take forever so I called again.  she asked if I called an ambulance.  I said no, Dwight keeps saying no.  SH said call.  So I did, I was so scared that he would hate me for it.  and refuse to go.  Sara and Blair got here, Blair checked on Dwight and freaked out a bit.  Said give him a towel, NOW..  another towel.. he couldn't get Dwight moved either.  Paramedics got here, they seemed scared, which didn't help.  They couldn't get him up either, they did gt him to sit up.  they kept calling me, because Dwight wouldn't cooperate.  I went in there and asked Dwight for his hand, to help him up.  Looking t me, he finally agreed, I took his arm, and handed it over t the paramedic.  they were able to gt him up, but he couldn't stand.  I brought a chair, they sat him n it and pushed him to the living room.  I saw him sitting there, saying "I'm fine, I don't need an ambulance, just help me get to bed.  We all kept telling him he was badly hurt and that wasn't an option.  I looked at him carefully this time, his face was  covered in blood, like out of a horror movie.  The paramedics wiped his face a bit, then tried to put a c collar on, he refused and wouldn't allow it.  finally the ambulance came, they had hims and up, and wrapped a white sheet with handles around him, and carried him out like luggage.  He kept saying he didn't wanna go and calling for me.  It was breaking my heart, I was afraid he would feel like I had betrayed him.  Sara assured me I did the right thing, and I can tell I did, but he would hate me.  and I was so upset when they took him, because I let people take him away against his wishes.  I had abandoned him when he needed me?  

That night they called after lie 20minutes and asked that come to the hospital, Dwight was asking for me, and wanted his phone.  I said ai o9uld bring it.  Sara called while I was driving said don't take him home.  I had a bag with his clothes and wallet too.  she told metoleve that in the car.  otherwise he will get difficult and wanna go home.  I actually had to wait an hour in the parking lot.  Then I was able to hand a nurse the phone.  He asked if I wanted t see him, I said I did, but if he was being difficult, seeing me would make it worse.  SO I left the phone and went home.  I felt terrible, I left him when he needed me.  he must feel so alone, and abandoned by the person he trusted.  it was a hard night. 

the next morning, I called into work I called in at night).  I called at8:30 like they asked.  They said I could talk to Dwight if I wanted, but he was talking to the doctor now.  And then they would stitch him up.  I said I'll call later, so they can get this done.  I texted Dwight, (they said he had his phone and had been looking at it).  I texted.  waited an hour or so, I kept thinking he was mad at me and emotionally hurt as well.  When he called I was so relieved, he said he wanted to know if I would go pick him up, he would be ready soon now.  He sounded upbeat and calm.  I went to pick him up.  Oh dear.  He had 10 stitches on his face.  He said it was difficult for them to stitch the zig zag pattern on his forehead.  He was upbeat and making jokes all the way home.  Yelling out the window to people in other cars. "don't piss off your Mexican wife!"  made me laugh.  I felt so much better, that was a terrible night, I prayed a lotta nd I am so grateful God watched over us.  He will be ok.  He had a fracture n his occipital lobe, orb around the eye. I thin that is what it is called.  And they said he has atherosclerosis in jugular arteries.  but no other fractures od contusions, no internal bleeding.  they MRId him and checked .

I took a picture once we got home.  He later took one himself and posted it, but then took it down.  Probably scared a few friends.

Sara came over and brought us food, she made fried chicken the day before and shared it with us.  Dwight was ok, but the pain killers state wearing off, so he played down soon after we got home.  I think after he woke up, I gave him Motrin 800, and food.  I went to get his medication while he was asleep, Antibiotics and Motrin.

I feel like I can breathe now, I needed to write this down, as therapy.  I need to talk about it, and I don't think I can.  I textedDavid that night when it happened, told him I called 911.  He was very supportive, but I told him go to sleep, it is ok.  Nothing much he can do,I know he caress nd he's there for me.  I feel love, and I don't feel alone, he's there to listen and advised nd Sara was here for more support.  I know we need to learn to fend for ourselves, but when you have loving people around you, it makes it better.  I still made the decisions and got things done, I know I can do it myself, but it is better when you have love involved. 

Thank you Jesus for your love and protection.  Thank you little voice in my head, I feel love for you, even if I can't see you or know your name.  I feel your light and sometimes hear your messages.  I need to learn to listen better.